


I Love You, But Stay Away From My Dick

by orphan_account



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Asexual Maine, Confused Washington, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-28
Updated: 2014-07-28
Packaged: 2018-02-10 17:31:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2033796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maine and Wash are going great, perfect even, until York makes one stupid comment that sends Wash's mind out of control.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Love You, But Stay Away From My Dick

**Author's Note:**

> based on a prompt from an anon who wanted either asexual Wash or asexual Maine.

When York sat down across from Wash he knew he was in for it, but when North and South joined them seconds later, Wash felt like he had been dropped out of a pelican. 

“So,” York said after a beat of silence, “You and Maine?” Wash felt his cheeks heat up while South scoffed.

“That was discreet,” She berated. York ignored her in favor of staring Wash down. 

“You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to,” North informed him gently. Wash wanted to give him a thankful smile. North was always the most understanding of the freelancer and seemed to be the only one who knew when someone really did not want to talk about something. York on the other hand was like a dog with a chew toy, he wasn’t going to give up till Wash gave him something to work with. South...South was just terrifying. 

“What about Maine and I?” Wash asked, deciding to play dumb first. 

“Don’t play coy with me,” York demanded, “You know what I’m talking about.” 

“What are you talking about?” Wash wondered, smirking behind his helmet. 

“Enough with the horrible dodging, kid,” South spoke up. Wash frowned, hating being called kid by any of the freelancers. 

“I saw you kiss him. How long has your little thing been going on?” She continued. 

“Why do you care?” Wash shot back. 

“I don’t. But they do,” She replied, pointing a thumb towards North and York. 

“Why do you guys care?” Wash repeated. York and North shared a look behind their helmets before North answered. 

“Honestly, we’re a little worried about you.” 

“Worried about me?” 

“Maine could snap you in half!” York exclaimed. 

“I’m starting to think maybe I should ask him to snap you in half,” Wash replied. York let out a offended gasp while South laughed harshly. 

“Great. Now the kid’s got a guard dog,” She growled. 

“The only dog around here is you, bitch,” Wash snapped. South stood from the table quickly, causing Wash to jump up from his seat as well. North grabbed his sister and pulled her back down. 

“You promised,” He reminded her. With a heavy sigh, South crossed her arms over her chest and fell silent. 

“Wash, sit down. I’ll keep them under control,” North told him softly. Wash slowly sat back down, looking at the three of them in turn. 

“How long has this been going on?” North asked gently. Wash shrugged. 

“A few months. Maybe six at the most,” He answered. York whistled quietly. 

“Does anyone other than us know?” North questioned. 

“Carolina. Maine told her right away so she wouldn’t kill us later,” Wash replied, a small grin forming on his face at the memory. 

“Why did you tell us?” York spoke up, “We’re your friends.” 

“Because I knew you would do this. I knew you would over react,” Wash exclaimed, “You always do.” 

“We don’t-” North started. 

“No, he’s right. We do over react. But only because we’re your friends. Well...North and I are your friends,” York interrupted, looking over at South who shrugged. 

“The big guy’s going to be hearing from me for not telling me later,” She admitted. 

“So a few months?” North clarified. Wash nodded. 

“Have you guys had sex?” York blurted out. North smacked him upside the head. 

“Ow,” He complained, rubbing his helmet as if North could actually hurt him through the armor. 

“We haven’t,” Wash answered. York’s hand fell from his head quickly as he let out a gasp. 

“You’ve been together for months and haven’t done it yet?!” He exclaimed. 

“You’re such a fucking child,” South commented. Wash would bet money she was rolling her eyes behind her helmet.  
.  
“That’s not weird,” Wash pointed out. The silence that followed proved him wrong. 

“Oh my god, what does that mean!?” He practically screeched. 

“Nothing, nothing,” North said quickly, “Every relationship moves at it’s own pace.” 

“Or Maine is using you,” York muttered. 

“Maine would never do that,” Wash snapped, a knot forming in his stomach. 

“I’m sure there’s a good reason you guys haven’t had intercourse yet,” North told him gently. South laughed. 

“Yeah, like maybe the big guy isn’t attracted to your scranky ass,” She said harshly. Wash ducked his head a bit. 

“Wash,” York started. 

“Agents!” The Director’s voice came over the intercom, “Report the the training floor immediately.” 

“We’ll talk about this later,” North said in a rush as all four of them jumped up from their seats and booked it to the training floor. 

\--------

Wash knocked on Maine’s bedroom door, out of his armor and wearing his usually black sweat pants and grey tank top. The door opened a moment later, allowing Wash to enter the room. Maine was back to lounging on the bed as if nothing mattered. Without a word, Wash walked over and sat down on the edge of the bed right next to Maine’s outstretched legs. 

“Say it,” Maine ordered softly. 

“What?” Wash asked in confusion. 

“You’ve got something you wanna ask. So ask,” Maine replied. Wash sighed loudly, moving back to sit side by side with Maine. 

“Why haven’t we had sex yet?” He whispered. Maine looked over at him with a unreadable expression. 

“Do you want to?” He wondered. 

“Do you?” Wash fired back. 

“I asked you first,” Maine pointed out, a small grin on his face. 

“This is not about me,” Wash argued. Maine was quiet for a second before he shook his bald head. 

“No,” He said firmly. 

“No what?” Wash asked. 

“No, I don’t want to have sex with you,” Maine answered. Wash moved to get off the bed, but Maine’s hands shot out, wrapping around his forearm and pulling him into Maine’s lap. 

“Let me go,” Wash commanded, trying to wiggle out of Maine’s grip. Maine only tightened his hold on Wash, pressing his chest to the smaller man’s back. 

“Listen to me,” He ordered loudly, causing Wash to go still. 

“I don’t want to have sex with you, or anyone. I don’t like sex,” Maine explained. Wash went slack in his arms. 

“What does that even mean?” He asked in confusion. 

“It means I’m asexual. I don’t enjoy having sex. Even with people I’m attracted to,” Maine replied. 

“So you are attracted to me?” Wash wondered. 

“Of course I am,” Maine said. 

“But you don’t want to have sex?” Wash asked. Maine sighed, shaking his head. 

“No. I don’t,” He repeated. Wash was quiet as he thought it over. 

“Me either, He admitted with a whisper. 

“I know,” Maine replied. 

“How the fuck do you know?” Wash demanded. 

“Because you only brought it up because York decided to butt in,” Maine answered. 

“How did you-South told you didn’t she?” 

“She may have mentioned something,” Maine admitted, looseing his hold on Wash and letting the man turn around to straddle his waist. 

“Is it weird to be asexual?” Wash asked, pressing his forehead against Maine’s. 

“No,” Maine answered. Wash pressed a kiss to Maine’s lips. 

“Wait. Is that okay? Cause like....I like kissing but do you not?” He asked, pulling away before Maine could respond to the kiss. 

“Wash,” Maine started. 

“Yeah?” 

“Shut the fuck up and kiss me,” Maine ordered.


End file.
